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May 7th, 2008


04:45 am - star, wanted to star in feature films
Uh-oh I'm in trouble.

More pressingly, my 2 assignments are due tomorrow and I haven't started either. I'm finding this rather worrying. The one due today is mostly done; just fixing it up and checking references. But I'm really worrying about tomorrow. A 1500 word essay isn't hard but when I have no idea what I'm writing about? It gets a bit more complicated. On the plus side, I have found out that I have horrible time-management. Duh. I had planned to do some of it tonight at least, but things got in the way. I got in the way. Tiredness got in the way. I wanted to revel in the afterglow of having completed an assignment, which I haven't actually fully completed yet. Shame.

On a lighter note...
A: I hate uni
B: Do something else then!
A: Like what?
B: What are you interested in?
A: You.
*cue laughter*
B: I don't think they offer a course on me anywhere

I'm in trouble.
Current Mood: [mood icon] drained
Current Music: The Young Playthings - Life Is Great feat. Rosay

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February 12th, 2008


12:57 am - Lately you've been saying it's a tragedy
Livejournal is telling me it's been 7 weeks since I last wrote an entry. Thanks LJ! Emma and Ash, I didn't code it this time, I think.

Let's summarise (because I've forgotten the past few weeks)! In the past 7 weeks, I've gotten a job, finished with the job, developed work crushes, fell into a slump, got into Arts at UQ, had friends return from overseas/national holidays, enrolled in courses, thought very little about what majors I want to do, had 2 teeth removed, saw The Jane Austen Book Club in a cinema with 20 people, received the best random smses from Emma, got addicted to the Sugababes, caught trains more than buses, went out to dinner a few times and wasted $30 of credit on various people. Essentially, just been bumming around.

I signed on to my tutorials today, which means my timetable is all nice and set (provided I don't change courses). It's not too bad; 3 days a week. Lauren and I went to UQ to get our IDs (I have coloured lines on my face in mine), and we got lost. Very lost, despite the fact that I was holding a map in my hand. Someone walking past us while we were shouting at the map in frustration pointed us in the right direction. Which was funny because we were in the right direction without realising. Lauren said: "get your hands away from my groin!" rather loudly and someone looked at us. I then said: "ewww learning!" and several people looked at us. We are quite embarrassing, but it's okay because no one knew who we were. Also, if this Arts thing doesn't work out, I think I'm going to start a t-shirt shop.

Modern History dinner started without me because I ended up being an hour and a half late because I was still at St Lucia when I was meant to meet everyone at Kemp Place (it's a tradition). We went to the Hunan Resturant that I passed everyday while walking to school. I swear, I still think it says Human Resturant. The food was alright; we told the people it was Nikki's birthday and they gave her free ice-cream. We reminisced and caught up.

Then we went to Gloria Jean's. Here, we decided on which Sex In The City characters we all were - I ended up with Miranda. Since there were 5 of us, someone had to be the gay man - it was almost Sian. We probably annoyed the GJ staff because of our laughing.

Next thing you know, we've decided that we're going to start a band revolving around modern history, in-jokes and politics. Each of us has to write lyrics to a song topic that we chose, and Sian's going to write music to it. Then we will be big. I have to write a song about Feminism; it's going to be a major hit. We're also going to have a song about Gough Whitlam and someone having a crush on Malcolm Turnbull. Look out world!
Current Mood: [mood icon] cheerful
Current Music: Sugababes - Surprise

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December 22nd, 2007


04:53 am - unreal city, you have killed me
I'm still having trouble sleeping and it's really getting to me. I just can't sleep. I lie in bed for hours trying. It used to be so easy. It's driving me insane; my head doesn't feel right.

What a whirlwind of things over the past 3 weeks.
More later, maybe.
Current Mood: [mood icon] cynical
Current Music: Okkervil River - Maine Island Lovers

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November 29th, 2007


12:14 am - secrets stolen from deep inside
I'm having some trouble getting to sleep.
I hope I'm not coming on too strong.
I have registered for SmartOP, just in case I don't want to wait.
The picnic was fun; so much food!
I feel slightly torn between sides, though not enough to truly matter.
Missing people sucks.
Let's take a step back?
Current Mood: [mood icon] exhausted
Current Music: Cyndi Lauper - Time After Time

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November 25th, 2007


12:42 am - your soul's unbreakable
This is frustrating - I feel like we're going around in circles. I don't know what I want from this anymore. Maybe I never knew. It's funny how I feel second-best, only to discover I second-guessed it. I like it better when we're joking around, jumping around the subject, but never really discussing it at all, because it does not hurt at all.

It's almost uncontrollable.
Current Mood: [mood icon] sore
Current Music: Muse - Invincible

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November 18th, 2007


10:13 pm - I believe in miracles
Oh my. I almost had a heart attack this afternoon.

Church Girl was back. Despite knowing her name, I still prefer to call her Church Girl. I was wondering why that voice sounded so familiar. I was wondering why it sounded different than last week.

After walking away from it 10 months ago, it was nice to see her again.
Current Mood: [mood icon] impressed
Current Music: Hot Chocolate - You Sexy Thing

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November 16th, 2007


12:11 am
In 9 hours, it will be over.

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November 12th, 2007


10:09 pm - those were our young years
By looking at the photos taken today, I realised two things:

1. The grass has grown back to the pretty green it was when the Seniors first moved onto the Terrace. It brings a real nice sense of resolution for that to have happened. For me, anyway. It doesn't feel like we're back to where we started. Rather, it feels like a reminder of everything. The green times. Before that horrible dry season, where the grass was spiky to sit on, and yellow. Take that however you want; I probably mean it the way you're thinking.

2. If possible, missing that place is going to be bigger than I imagined. I used to think, yeah, I'll miss it, then I'll get over it. I think I might carry it with me for longer than I imagined. I don't want to let go. Never in my life have I met a greater group of beautiful girls. The friendships I've made may have been rocky over the years, but they've also made fantastic memories. The classes with girls I wouldn't have otherwise gotten to know. The various crushes of varying degrees. The major one. All those times we used to spend in the library. Year 9 History with Parella. All those crazy Japanese classes with Taniguchi. RE & Science classes McAuley house. The Weddings! The Semi! The Formal! SNOWY TRIP - The girls of Room 31 will ROCK YOUR FUCKIN' SOCKS OFF. Just spending all that time with people that still mean the world to me. Even in that goddamn uniform.

Looking at the photos from today, it just makes me feel so happy to have not chosen Stuartholme, but so sad to be saying goodbye.


(By the way, if some of my photos were used for the power point, be prepared. If not, we can always look at photos at my place sometime. Prepare for that then.)
Current Mood: [mood icon] contemplative
Current Music: Billie the Vision & the Dancers - My Love

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November 6th, 2007


11:45 pm - unless it's lies or it's love
I guess I'll keep you in my heart, although we're world's apart.

Today was such an up and down day - one of those days where it could tip either way really easily. And it did. I got to spend a bit of time with girls I sometimes don't, but not the people I'd really like to. But they seem to be fine with it. I don't know why I hung around, all day. It turned out alright. Despite the embarrassing slip-ups when talking, and more embarrassments on t he train... it was actually alright. Despite calling her in the early mornings.

Lounging on couches with Rhe, talking about things (or philosophising, as we put it) and the tears were comforting but overwhelming. That was a down. Negative.

Positive: NO MORE MATHS. NO MORE MATHS TUTORING. NO MORE STOJ AS A TEACHER. NO MORE NEW Q MATHS!



It's scary how those pretty years went by. Where'd they go? Where did it all go? It's so soon. Too soon. What am I meant to do?
Current Mood: [mood icon] moody
Current Music: Okkervil River - Unless It's Kicks

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October 31st, 2007


03:25 am - some will win, some will lose
"People fall in love with you.
It's because you're hot.
It's a horrible trap many people fall into."

...

I didn't even realise I'd made it awkward until someone else brought it up.
Current Mood: [mood icon] melancholy
Current Music: Journey - Don't Stop Believing

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October 26th, 2007


10:36 pm - the slightest little hope
Something's been bugging me lately. For the past 3 weeks, I haven't quite put my finger on it.

Until now.

I think I've lost my grey bunny shirt. I loved that shirt - it was my favourite. Sadness fills me. I had plans for that shirt. The last time I wore it was at Snowy. Here's hoping I didn't leave it at the Chalet. Here's hoping it'll turn up.

If not, it served me well. I just wish it was still around.



Damn.
Current Mood: [mood icon] sad
Current Music: Billie the Vision & The Dancers - There's Hope For Anyone

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October 14th, 2007


10:12 pm - tonight there will be trouble
The stars were nice on Friday night when I found myself in a spare lot of land that felt like a small forest. The grass was comfortable and the night was cool. I don't remember how much time I spent there. I remember Bridget stroking my hair and telling me that She really did love me and that I would find someone special. I remember Duffy trying to get me to sit up to varying degrees of success, but that grass was damn comfortable.

It's a blur. I just remember the important parts, and that shouldn't have happened.
Current Mood: [mood icon] embarrassed
Current Music: My Darling YOU! - Bad Times Are On

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September 29th, 2007


10:56 pm - what a dream in the dark
I'm back from the snow, where it could have been perfect or it could have been a disaster. Instead of either, it was crazy good. I really liked it, despite all the falls and the cold. I took many photos, but don't feel like I did. I don't like what icy wind does to my skin.

Now, someone is married. Now, another isn't in Brisbane. Now, a flower is dying on my dinner table. Now, coincidences scare me. Now, I'm tired and missing things I had gotten used to.

There is not much longer until graduation. I've got to suck it up and just do it, like I'd planned to for so long. This is what I wanted, isn't it?
Current Mood: [mood icon] contemplative
Current Music: Okkervil River - Unless It's Kicks

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September 20th, 2007


11:06 pm - but you can take me higher
QTAC Applications - my favourite! I figured that I might as well do them tonight since tomorrow night I'll be packing. I spent 3 hours scouring through the guide and trying to decide what my other preferences should be since I've got my heart set on Bachelor Of Arts at UQ. But what else should I put if I don't get in? I was tempted by Bachelor of Wine Science.

All this talk about the future and whatnot is making me nervous and I don't like it. I'm not ready for this. I'm not ready to let go.

Well, what's done is done. We'll see in due time.
Current Mood: [mood icon] uncomfortable
Current Music: Irene - By Your Side

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September 16th, 2007


09:58 pm - I wanna catch a love and make it stay
Mare came over this afternoon and we walked back to her place and had water. The walk over was nice; we got to have a nice talk. Made even better by the fact that I had no idea where I was, in both senses of the word. I walked home, carrying nothing but a childhood string that I've had since I was 7, wearing my bogan clothes and thongs. I haven't chewed any gum for 10 months, so today, I chewed every type available in my house, including Watermelon Twist, Cinnamon, Barley Mint, Orange and Strawberry Sour-Sweet Mix. It was crazy. I spent most of today watching The O.C., playing DS and thinking about a girl I can't forget properly. I'm going to get a bicycle in the next 2 months, and ride over lots, just in case it does happen and even if it doesn't.
Current Mood: [mood icon] frustrated
Current Music: Voxtrot - Long Haul

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September 4th, 2007


11:24 pm - I can feel a glowing sensation taking place
Two down; two to go!

Here we go! I'm excited; the nerves will come in the morning. I'm listening to a song on repeat again. I'm hoping it'll help to calm me down. Fairly sure I'm feeling better, for now. I think I'll take it one exam/step at a time (luckily there's only 2 exams left; many more steps though).
Current Mood: [mood icon] hopeful
Current Music: The Searchers - When You Walk In The Room

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August 29th, 2007


11:13 pm - the memory girl
I think I shall give up on that soon. I don't know how much of myself really wants to, and how much will hold on forever. In a way, it's an addiction, I guess.
Current Mood: [mood icon] exanimate
Current Music: Belle & Sebastian - Sleep The Clock Around

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August 23rd, 2007


11:17 pm - It broke my heart to know you waited
My worst kept secret of the past year or so was written on a piece of paper, as a way of trying to free myself of it, but not entirely. I set fire to it. No one will be able to read it, and the worst kept secret will never be even worse. I'm thinking of smearing the ashes on my pages for art. The words'll be there, but you can't read them.

I wanted to join in too! Stolen from Ashy and Alice.

1. What is a question that people ask you that always gets on your nerves?
Hmm... I think it'd have to be "can I have a mint?", but that depends. I don't really mind too much. I dunno. I'm stumped on the first question. Damn.

2. Name something you have in common with all your siblings.
We're asian.

3. whats the last thing you said to someone & to who?
"Can you recharge the camera?" to sister.

4. If someone who didn't know you had to guess your name, what hint would you give them?
I dunno, I'd probably just tell them my name

5. Name something you have to do tomorrow?
Wake up.

6. Have you ever called 911?
Nup, and I'm not sure if I've called various other emergency numbers.

7. Do you own an iPod?
GUTS!

8. Do any of your friends have children?
I'm going to say no, but you never know.

9. What CD is currently in your CD player?
"Spice" by Spice Girls

10. Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk?
Chocolate.

11. Has anyone told you a secret this week?
Hah, no one talks to me, so I'm going to say no. Or if they have told me a secret, it may not have been a significant one, because I currently don't remember. I might remember after posting this though, which'll be good.

12. When was the last time you had Starbucks?
I don't think I have ever had Starbucks, but I've had Gloria Jeans.

13. Can you whistle?
Not lately.

14. Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
Piercings, no. Tattoos? Maybe. But piercings... no.

15. Do you get along better with men or women?
I guess, women.

16. Do you sleep on your side, stomach, or back?
That would depend, as I enjoy all.

17. What song are you listening to?
"Leave The City" by Magnolia Electric Co.

18. What does it remind you of?
A girl I swear I cared a lot about once but I haven't a clue about anymore; perhaps leaving the city... just thought I'd throw that in too.

19. Which of your friends lives closest to you?
Umm, I haven't measured in distance, so... I'll just name some that live close. Lauren, Katherine, Mare and Liz seem to be pretty close... and I've gotten lifts with all of their parents.

20. What did you do last night?
SOR, tutoring.

21. What big concerts are you looking forward to?
My own.

22. What annoys you?
A lot of things. Rat.

23. Next vacation you're going on?
I guess that'll be Snowy.

24. Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?
Today.

25. What did you dream last night?
I don't think I remember. It may have involved a flood again.

26. Does your phone ring in the middle of the night often?
Not lately.

27. What gets in your way when your sleeping?
Thoughts. Schoolwork. Laziness towards schoolwork.

28. What are you doing tomorrow?
School, battling the wind?

29. What is something you've learned about yourself recently?
Quite a bit really. That I'm actually making myself sick with it. That I'm probably hurting her more than I know, or will acknowledge. That my ego gets injured quite easily of late, but that doesn't matter to anyone else. Let's not go into this, because it'll end with the good, honest fact that I'm a horrible person.

30. Do you like anyone?
I think the question is: who don't I like?

31. Do you know anyone who's married?
Yup.

32. What's your favorite number?
6

33. Who was the last person to make you cry?
Everyone.

34. What are you doing?
Thinking of having a shower... Now I've come back from the shower, and washed the dishes. My hands are cold.

35. When was the last time you cried?
Recently, I think.

36. What is one thing you miss about your past?
Well, I'm reliving some of the "things" from my past, so I'm going to say my old house and all the carefreeness.

37. Are you jealous of anyone?
Always.

38. Is anyone jealous of you?
Probably not. You'd have to ask them.

39. Has anyone recently told you that they like you more than as a friend?
I wish. Well... not really, since she's not my friend, so that means it'd be someone else. It would depend on the friend. But no.

40. Who was the last person you drove with?
My mum.

41. What are you looking forward to?
A lot. Almost as much as I'm going to miss.

42. How are you today?
Alright.

43. What's your worst experience?
I'm not sure I can pinpoint it exactly.

44. Are you currently single?
Yes

45. How many things in your past do you regret?
How do you count that?

46. Do you have a best friend?
Hah.

47. Do you regret anything that you done in your life?
Yes, yes, yes. And I regret some things I didn't do.

48. Have you ever been in the emergency room?
I don't think so.

49. What's the last movie you watched?
D.O.A. I liked it, and I actually liked Holly Valance in it.

50. If you could change anything about your past, what would you change?
If I changed them, I reckon I'd be a different person. Like if I changed telling someone that I liked girls, the rest of the school wouldn't know today. But if I didn't tell her, the rest of the school wouldn't know today. It has it's pros and cons. I can live with it.

51. Have you ever felt like killing somebody?
Yes, but apparently, I'm gutless - I wouldn't do it.

52. Do you like your life?
I haven't decided. I haven't decided what my life is yet (for Art).

53. Do you have a stalker?
Does Mare count? I think it's more likely that I'm a stalker, rather than I'm being stalked.

54. What kind of music do you like?
Depends on my mood. Belle & Sebastian's big right now, as is Magnolia Electric Co.

55. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
My heart. I don't think so.

56. Do you have more friends that are girls or guys?
Girls.

57. How long have you had myspace?
Not sure.

58. Have you ever fallen asleep with someone of the opposite sex?
I don't think so.

59. What's one thing you wish you could be better at?
Seduction. A lot of things, like bowling and art. I don't think there's one specific thing.

60. Have you ever had feelings for someone who lived in a different state?
No.

61. What are some of your biggest fears of your life?
Butterflies, among others

62. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
Perhaps

63. Have you ever not been able to get someone out of your head?
Yes, currently.

64. Are you happy with your looks?
More so than I was a year ago.

65. Have you kissed anyone on your top list?
Yes.

66. Do you like to sing?
"My Heart Will Go On", anyone? I do like to, but I'm terrible.

67. Do you sleep naked?
I always imply that I do. It's quite comfortable.

68. Are looks important?
Well, if you listen to me enough, you'd think so, but I actually don't care as much as it would seem.

69. What are you listening to?
"Synchronised Sinking" by The Lucksmiths

70. Where do you want to be?
I don't think you want to know.

71. Do you believe in love?
Always.
Current Mood: [mood icon] confused
Current Music: Magnolia Electric Co. - Leave The City

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August 20th, 2007


11:18 pm - a spooky witch in a sexy dress has been bugging me
I should really be doing some SOR study since the exam is tomorrow, but I enjoy the lazy life. I'll wing it, I suppose. The extent of my study for this exam was to look over week old notes once.

Belle & Sebastian has dominated my speakers for the past month, which is quite lovely. They've got a song for every mood/mood swing. It is great, but it makes me think a lot. Which can be great too, yeah. I was introduced to B&S in 2002ish with Get Me Away From Here, I'm Dying but I was still into Britney Spears. It was a good song, and I liked it. Then sister dear bought Dear Catastrophe Waitress. 4 years later, I'm still listening to them and loving them, while also embracing pop (Justin Timberlake, anyone?). I guess I'm back to where I started. That feels a bit weird, and a bit comforting. I'm also playing Pokemon again, which I played in 2002/2003. Sometimes, I feel like I'm 12 again. It's wonderful and weird. I suppose I did miss it a lot. I feel like I'm getting ready for a big climax, and then it'll end.

Why is everyone suddenly looking much better these days? Or rather, why am I thinking people look better these days? It's shifting the babe spectrum. But it doesn't matter; I can't compete with the myriad.

I have many questions. You know my wandering days are over.
Current Mood: [mood icon] confused
Current Music: Belle & Sebastian - My Wandering Days Are Over

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July 30th, 2007


12:18 am - forget your fear
The Joys of Over-thinking

I am torn between doing something drastic as I seemingly have an inclination for it when it comes to such matters, or just letting it pass as if it's not important at all. And maybe it isn't. But that does not stop me from feeling like I should do something.

I mightn't ever get the chance to again. I might not even get the chance now. If I get a chance to do something, I know I will regret if I don't do anything, but I also know that I might embarrass myself greatly, or something along those lines.

All in all, if I don't and if I do, I will still regret it either way, somehow. I'll still ask, "but what if?" because that's easy.

Betcha nothing goes like I imagine, and nothing even happens. And even then, you'll still find me asking, "but what if?!" Only this time, with more certainty than last and with more volume.
Current Mood: [mood icon] curious
Current Music: Stars - The Night Starts Here

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